Step 1: Obtain a coconut.
Step 2: Obtain a drill.
Use the drill on the coconut.
Bjzt. Bjzt.
Try not to look at him.
Pour juice out of his eye one of the holes.
…and save it for later.
Now, eeever so gently, tap tap tap him open.
Lay both halves, cut side down on a cutting board. I prefer to put the cutting board on the floor so it’s a bit more stable.
As you whack at it, the outer shell of the coconut may crack off. This is a good thing. Shoot for this.
I cracked into pieces about 1/2 the size of my palm. Next time I’ll leave them bigger to make a later step a little easier (you’ll see).
Squiggle a knife in-between the meat and the shell. 
There’s a layer of stuff… brown stuff that’ll stick to the meat. Don’t worry about this, this is fine. Your knife goes here:
See the brown part? Totally fine.
No, not fine!!! You must remove it now!!! Use a peeler. Make it go away.
…by the way, if you KEEP peeling, but after the brown stuff is off, you end up with nice little shaved coconut pieces like so. They are fantastic and kind of juicy and so much better on top of things than the chalky, leathery, dried kind you get pre-shredded in a bag.
You can also chop into hunks. You can put the hunks into a food processor and make them into tinier hunks.
Now you have something delicious that looks like the other kind of mealy, tasteless, shaved “coconut” you can buy in a bag. Seriously, never buy that stuff again. 
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