Confession time, ya’ll. I want to eat all the food 100% of the time forever and ever and ever: I can binge on leafy greens. So what’s a volume eater like me to do if she wants to also be a skinny strong lady so she can do sweet tricks?? Eat a veritable shit ton of vegetables, that’s what!!! Not only are they good for you, nutrient dense, and calorically sparse, but they will make your poops AMAZING. I don’t mean to brag over here, but three times a day, Bristol fours EVERY TIME.


“But Charlie, there’re only so many veggies I can chew in a day! Also, I hate them. Also, I hate you.”

Hold the phone, friend! I am about to teach you how to eat delicious veggies THAT DON’T TASTE LIKE VEGGIES, WHAAAAAAT??? Today, we make gahd dahm BEEF STROGANOFF.

You can make this thing over the course of several days, so don’t freak out if it seems like a long recipe. Most of the stuff you can just throw in your crock pot and forget about. By the way, I cook in volume once a week, so this recipe serves one person for an entire week, or 7 people one time. Don’t be afraid of the quantity: it freezes super well.

Step 1:

Make some collageny bone broth! Get some grass-fed marrow bones and maybe a knuckle bone from a farmer friend and put them in your crock pot with water. Forget about the bones until your house smells like beefy deliciousness. take out the bones, pick the meat off there, and put the broth in the fridge. Skim the fat off there once it’s chilled. If your bones were good, it should look like weird savory jello.

Step 2:

Put a couple heads of cauliflower in your steamer and steam those guys! You don’t have to cut it apart, even: huck the whole thing in! While that’s happening, peel an eggplant and food process it up with a pound of grass fed beef. Make sure it mixes super well: it should look like a big glorp of slightly weird colored beef rather than ground beef with eggplant hunks in it. COOK THAT SHIT. Throw in some salt, a hunk of thyme sprigs, a sage… branch?, and two rosemary speary things. Also, put in a bunch of onion. I used a big red globe onion because I thought it was funny that it was so big.


Step 3:

While the beef is cooking, get like, 6 lbs of mushrooms and food process them into smaller mushrooms. Put them into the crock pot that has the bone broth in it and get that goin while you’re doing everything else. Also, maybe throw a spaghetti squash in the oven.

Step 4:

Fish out the herbs, then pour the mushroomy broth into the beef! Cook until almost all of the liquid is gone. While you’re cooking it down, puree the cauliflower.



Step 5:

Mix the cauliflower into the beefy goodness!




Step 6:

Take the spaghetti squash out and scrape the noodlies onto  a plate. Cover with the beefy goodness and you have crazy delicious, mostly veggie, totally dairy and grain free beef stroganoff that does NOT taste like a plate full of yucky vegetables. It’s like magic, you guys!





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